


Unrainy Days And Good Friends

by LonleyHooman



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders is a Mess, Deceit Sanders Has a Different Name, Depressed Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, House Cleaning, How Do I Tag, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Relationships, Rain, Rainbows, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:35:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22959535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonleyHooman/pseuds/LonleyHooman
Summary: Virgil hasn't been feeling too well.He's been missing school, missing meals, and missing nearly all of his energy. Leaving him sulking around his house miserably and blaming himself for his struggles.Or at least he was until his good friend Dee comes over for a visit, plays ridiculous music, helps him clean up, talks to him, and makes him see that rain isn't that bad. And that society is absolute trash.Or: I'm dealing with a depressive episode and I'm self-projecting to do it. And I love platonic anxceit.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Kudos: 42





	Unrainy Days And Good Friends

**Author's Note:**

> If you don't know what "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor sounds like here's a little reminder because it's referenced in the story:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4  
> You only need to hear the first 11 seconds of the song to recognize it and It's only briefly mentioned so you can read without it too.
> 
> Apart from that, I don't have anything to say other than enjoy and thanks for choosing to read this :)
> 
> *I'll link all of the other songs from the story at the end notes.

It wasn't a rainy day. That might have been what annoyed Virgil the most. It was a fairly sunny day. Overall, it was pretty forgettable. It was the most normal weather you could have. Everything about the day was absolutely, painfully, normal. And that meant, that there was no valid reason for Virgil to feel so bad.  
Virgil normally felt like this- So weak, so helpless and so completely and utterly drained. And all of that for absolutely no reason. But it didn't make it any easier to deal with these feelings. If anything, it made him feel guiltier.  
He was guilty of worrying his friends, guilty for feeling like this and for giving up and staying home even though he barely gets through all his tasks when he doesn't and because he has no valid reason to stay inside. He was constantly feeling guilty for being so tired and sulking around his house all day doing nothing and all of that for absolutely no good reason.  
But he just couldn't find the energy to get out. It was like that for most days, it didn't ease his guilt but he was starting to get used to it, he was starting to accept that this was his reality and that maybe he was doomed to feel guilty forever. So he diverted his gaze from his window back to the tv in front of him, trying to force the guilt out of his head, but he didn't get to focus on it for more than a few seconds because someone apparently decided to bother him. How thoughtful.  
He lazily walked over to his front door to find the maker of the knocks interrupting his binging and opened it - expecting some sort of preacher or someone asking for donations - and was surprised to see his good friend Dee standing in his doorway, looking genuinely concerned. And to his credit- he was. Everyone's noticed Virgil staying in his house more than usual and Dee couldn't help but sense his friend's mood darkening and body getting weaker, partially due to him uncharacteristically eating less. Dee just couldn't watch his friend fade away, like an amiable candle deprived of oxygen, who's soft flame was slowly getting smaller, and he just couldn't let it die out without doing something. So he pluckily went over to Virgil's house and gracefully knocked on his door, more than willing to help with anything he may or may not need.

"God, it's been ages since I last saw you." Dee said, dramatically, as soon as Virgil opened his door.

"Dee, I- what are you doing here?" Virgil asked, slightly wide-eyed, in a curious yet not disapproving tone.

He was happy Dee came over but wasn't sure how to even react.

"The real question is- is everything okay? why have you been missing school so much? and don't tell me you're sick you've used that excuse far too much for it to be believable."

Virgil didn't know what to say to him. He may have appreciated Dee's unexpected visit but he was standing in front of his most intimidating friend that was giving him his I-can-pierce-your-soul-and-read-you-like-a-children's-book look, asking for answers he couldn't say out loud. He was frantically trying to come up with something to say in his head while his expression betrayed him and Dee decided it was best to stop him before smoke started coming out of his ears. So he walked into Virgil's house as he always did, mumbling "Fascinating" as a sarcastic response to his unsaid explanation and headed inside, leaving Virgil glued to the floor in shock for a few moments, who then walked inside and shut the door behind them with a smile of mixed shame, confusion and a bit of actual happiness from the familiar scenario.

When Virgil walked inside, he saw Dee purposely standing in the center of his living room with a humorously dramatic scowl on his face, looking rather horrified. It took Virgil a few moments to figure out what the disapproving look was directed at but eventually realized that his house was nothing less than an absolute mess. Thick dust was covering his floor as well as his table, tv stand and every other flat surface in the area which was also covered by random objects - due to Virgil not having the energy to put them back - which made his house look as though no one has been living in it for a long while. And Dee - who was blatantly expressing it - did not approve.

"Sorry... I didn't really have time or a real reason to clean..." Virgil said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck.

Dee was going to make a sarcastic comment but instead decided on saying "Oh it's fine, we have plenty of time to clean right now." in an innocent tone, his eyes moving upwards, trying to look as intentionless as possible. And before Virgil could protest at Dee's implied suggestion with anything other than a glare Dee dramatically added "Nothing can save you now. We're cleaning and there's nothing you can do about it." and started looking for a broom.

A few minutes later, Dee was standing determinedly holding a broom and dustpan in one hand and his phone in the other and Virgil was already picking up everything he could carry that originally belonged in his kitchen. Dee started cleaning, but before he did, he started playing Survivor's famous "Eye Of The Tiger" with a mischievous smile and in a few moments the intro started playing and Virgil let out a joyful laugh at the over-dramatic essence of it.

"Seriously? I knew you were dramatic but this is next level." 

"What? it fits." Dee replied.

"It absolutely does not fit." Virgil teased.

"You can choose the next song if you'd like but I stand by my choice." Dee said in a daring tone.

"This is a joke," Virgil said but then had an idea and added proudly: "But if I'm allowed to play what I want next the joke's gonna be on you."

After the first song ended, Virgil played "Chicken Song" by J.Geco which was made up entirely of chicken calls and from that moment on the music playing turned into a ridiculous song competition. They went on taking turns playing music and cleaning up and after about two hours they eventually finished cleaning - to the sound of The Muffin Song - and finally sat down on the couch, exhausted, weakly leaning on the backrest while looking at the ceiling.

"I honestly didn't think we could do it." Virgil said, smiling disbelievingly.

"Why not? remember that time we accidentally spilled doritos all over the floor and couldn't find a broom?" Dee laughed out. "We had to clean that up before anyone saw it and we had to use an actual towel."

There was a small pause in which Virgil's lips twisted in a smile, that ended up shrinking a moment later and now just looked sad.

"Yeah but that was different," Virgil answered, speaking in a weaker tone this time. "Now on most days I don't even have the energy to pick up a sock." he confessed softly, with a neutral almost robotic tone to his voice, like it didn't have any value to him, almost as if he was kidding.

Dee first thought about jokingly making fun of him but sensed that the subject wasn't to be taken lightly, it might even be part of the reason Virgil wasn't going out of the house as much. Dee was no stranger to Virgil's voice tones and was all too familiar with the overwhelming weakness and non-existent motivation that Virgil was feeling - though Dee didn't know how similar his and Virgil's feelings were - and knew just how much guilt those feelings can evoke in anyone. He knew that admitting to those feelings can make a person sound lazy and ungrateful and that if Virgil was indeed feeling guilty and weak - teasing him wasn't going to be of any help. Virgil was checking him- his reaction, to see how he would react to the truth, in a way that he could get away with unsuspected. He knew that If Dee teased him- he could just laugh it off and everything would be the same. And even if Dee didn't really know that, he knew better than to make fun of him, because if he was feeling like Dee did, teasing him surely wasn't going to make him feel any better.

"That's understandable," Dee said, and then huffed out "Some days I don't have the energy to even take my socks off of my feet." in a tone that sounded like a joke, but was actually genuine, showing Virgil he understood.

And Virgil saw through his tone, his lips twisted into a barely perceptible smile and his shoulders sagged just a little. He wasn't completely happy, but he was relived. Dee didn't take the weight from his shoulders, but he stood next to him with his own and kept him company, making his weight considerably easier to hold.

"And it's normal, too. If anyone tells you it's not they can go and eat socks." Dee continued.

Now Virgil was smiling.

"Eat socks? Seriously?" Virgil mocked.

"I stand by what I said," Dee said back proudly and added "And I meant it, don't ever let people make you feel bad for not having energy." in a more serious tone.

"But I can't just say I don't have energy and get away with everything," Virgil said, his smile replaced by a frown. "And even if people understand I still feel guilty. Lately, I've been feeling really weak all the time and I can't just forgive myself for staying inside so often and not doing anything all day." 

"I can," Dee added. "And you don't need my forgiveness. You don't need anyones. It's okay to stay inside and it's okay to feel bad, even if you're not sick you can be having a hard time and you don't owe anyone an explanation. Society makes you feel like a bad person for having a hard time and caring for yourself and can make you unable to even do that because you feel so guilty you lost the energy to do anything." He said sharply.  
"People try so hard to get you to ignore your problems and judge you when you choose not to, just so they can profit. And even if they tell you to take a break if you need it and that they're here for you they still judge you for actually doing it. You don't owe them anything. If anything they owe you an apology." Dee finished, with his nostrils flaring.

"But wouldn't all that make me selfish?"  
"Virgil, there is nothing wrong with being selfish." Dee started, in a softer, more understanding tone, taking his time with every word, carefully making sure he's making himself clear. "Being selfish simply means you don't think about others and focus only on yourself. I agree that thinking only about yourself can be bad for your conscience and hurt you, but if you don't think about yourself and only care for others you won't survive. Society glorifies people who sacrificed themselves for others and makes people think that they're bad for thinking about their own needs, but they're not, they're human. We are all human and the human brain is programmed to survive, if it didn't think about itself it would fail in its mission and the human race will go extinct. We are supposed to care about ourselves, and how much we care about others and go out of our way for them should be up to our own morals. If we choose to be selfish - I don't think we should be judged for it." Dee took a deep breath he didn't know he needed and continued. "That's my opinion at least, you don't have to listen I just needed to get it out of my system. But I really do believe it." He finished, more hesitant now that he realized the size of the risk he had taken, though if it had to be with anyone, he was glad it was with Virgil. And now it was Virgil's turn to answer. And even though Dee was patiently waiting and seemed to understand his struggle, he still needed to reply and had no idea how to even start. Everything Dee said made sense to Virgil, and he agreed with it, but it was just too much effort to think about it all. Virgil was so weak and part of him didn't even want him to forgive himself. After all, it was a lot safer to feel guilty. If he forgave himself he would be risking getting judged and being hated for his actions, and what if he started forgiving himself for everything and became all the things he didn't want to be? But Virgil knew he thought Dee was right, and he didn't think it would be so easy to completely transform his personality to a different one. The main and unfortunately hardest problem to solve was the effort reminding himself resting was fine required. He just didn't have the energy to do it. And he had so many other problems to deal with he was scared he couldn't handle it. "I agree with you" Virgil finally said, voice a bit desperate. "It's just so hard to forgive myself, and I'm not sure I have the energy to do it. Even if I forgive myself for it I still feel awful. Just thinking about it is enough to make me give up. To be honest I usually don't let myself think at all." He said and gestured weakly to the tv in front of them.

"Well then that's exactly what I'm here for." Dee said in a confident tone, after regaining some of his energy and gently placed his hand on Virgil's shoulder, locking their eyes together.

There was a moment of calm silence between them. And Virgil sighed, relaxing his shoulders a little, after tensing when he started to speak.

"I mean it, It's okay to rest. And if you feel bad I'm always here for you." Dee said earnestly, still looking into Virgil's eyes, who was looking back into Dee's eyes vulnerably. His face showing how and desperate he's been feeling for so long, and making Dee more and more determined to support and protect him.

"But it better be clean over here or we're having another cleaning marathon." Dee said, taking his hand off of Virgil's shoulder to jokingly point it in the air, like a teacher telling the rules to their students or a parent ordering their child.

Virgil laughed at that, and that laugh was the most genuine laugh he made in months, probably because he didn't feel pressured to, not all of his smiles or laughs were fake during that time, but he always felt like he needed to have them on his face. This laugh was pure and completely natural. It was free. Like a fall leaf floating in a whirl of chilly wind, or a dolphin elegantly piercing the surface of the ocean water and joyfully jumping out into the air. He wasn't completely fine, quite the opposite. But he felt like his struggle was justified, like he could calm down for a bit, and fight for his right to, or even just rest and stop thinking, but not because he's distracted- because he knows he's allowed to rest. God knows - if god exists - that Virgil is still going to struggle, and that he will have to remind himself it's okay to rest - which he wasn't sure he could even do - and he didn't completely forgive himself for everything yet. But at that moment, he chose to find solace with his friend and have a good time.  
"Oh you know I'll do anything for you." He said in a humorous tone, fit for talking to a baby or pet, that brought a big smile to Dee's and his lips.

"Will you turn on the tv for me?" Dee asked.

"I'll think about it." Virgil said, before seizing the remote and restarting the show he was watching. After the show started, he dropped the remote on the freshly-wiped table, both he and Dee shifted so that they were facing the tv and they watched the show together peacefully.

And at that moment, it started raining outside.  
It wasn't a violent rain, aggressively falling down, freezing its surroundings and painting the sky a dark and hopeless gray. It was a small drizzle, clear drops of water steadily falling down over the world, rhythmically hitting the window next to them, and watering the plants bravely growing outside of the house, decorating the ground.

It was the kind of rain that sparked hope for a rainbow.

**Author's Note:**

> "Eye Of The Tiger" by Survivor:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btPJPFnesV4
> 
> "Chicken Song" by J.Geco:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=msSc7Mv0QHY
> 
> "The Muffin Song" by asdfmovie and Schmoyoho:  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LACbVhgtx9I
> 
> And of course thank you so so much for reading my story :)
> 
> English isn't my first language and this is the third time I've ever written fanfiction so please be nice in the comments but also please leave me feedback and stuff you liked and didn't like because I really want to improve and hear from all you lovely people (^^)


End file.
